Sunshine Hurricane Chronicles

Well, as perfect as it will ever be having fine Hair breaks the frizzes it’s never gonna be that perfect but yesterday he was pretty close typically today the day I need it to be perfect it’s not and that’s just how it goes isn’t it? Well for some people, I guess.

Last night I had my first heart racing episode in a while. I think I’ve pushed myself too much with the booze this week. Pushing the limit to try and shut my mind off and shut the hurt out. It’s a deep hurt when someone you care about lets you down. I don’t know why. I’ve been here once before and I feel exactly the same and I cannot shake it off so in my wisdom I decided to have a party for one followed by a party for four the next night not my finest moments. I just don’t know how to make the feeling go away I can’t help but where my heart on my face is a problem. I feel like I won’t see it about time and go straight back to where I was a few weeks ago before it’s all happened. I need to get rid of the emptiness in my stomach. I need to try and figure out how to get over this somehow whilst feeling dropped alone unwanted rejected and just generally not important.

Any help with coping mechanisms is greatly received I’ve tried mine set reset I’ve tried essential oils, relaxation, nervous system treatments antidepressants beta blockers to be fairly antidepressants and the blockers seem to work together to calm myself down but it still doesn’t take away the hurt feeling inside which I know is going to take me absolutely ages to get over

Meanwhile I have to try and pick myself up and keep my Mojo going recently I had bought a new Horse and I feel like I was going leaps and bounds with him. Looking forward to the future potentially rescaling for dressage now well my Mojo has gone. I’m gonna park this here cause I’ve got to go and pick up a harrow but I’ll be back after the day the only day where anyone else would be at my yard with me so let’s see how this feels because normally it’s just me up there now and my Horses completely alone apart from with the flies which there are many of and they’re driving my horses nuts anyway I’m kind of ranting here but I guess that’s why I started this blog. Ultimately I started this blog because I wanted to write my children’s stories about Bruno my dog who is a complete legend which I will do and I have already started drafting these, however I thought I’d do a bit of a life realism blog at the same time but coping about how life is not how we feel it shows in so many social media channels it isn’t picked perfect. I’m currently looking at the washing all over my bed of course I wouldn’t post this on social media would I?

See you later